Jokes about the Legal Profession

These are for comical purposes only.

Submitted by: Anonymous
Lawyers are people who can write a 10,000-word document and call it a brief.

Submitted by: Anonymous
The problem with lawyer jokes is that most lawyers don't think they are funny, and most people don't understand that they're just jokes!

Submitted by: Anonymous
The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.

Submitted by: Anonymous
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. Only a shilling? said the Justice, Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them.

Submitted by: Anonymous
At the funeral of a lady was her doctor, a friend and her lawyer. Each had promised her that at her funeral they would toss $1000 into her grave. The doctor and friend each tossed in their $1000 cash, after which the lawyer removed the cash and placed a check for $3000.

Submitted by: Anonymous
You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background, sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment, replied the witness.

Submitted by: Anonymous
Definition of a lawyer: a man who helps you get what's coming to him.

Submitted by: Anonymous
The defendant who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.

Submitted by: Anonymous
God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?